Chapter Text
"I hail from the majestic realm of labyrinthine puzzles, where I was forged and refined.” Dimentio, a tiny jester floating on stage coos.
“My homeland is a gateway, a conduit, a grand departure point to the vast expanse beyond, an intricate maze you traverse only to escape to worlds more grandiose.”
The audience laughs.
“Imagine a dazzling tapestry, intricate yet purposefully leading you to the exit, to realms far beyond its woven confines."
In the audience, Mario and Luigi sigh in contentment as they listen to Dimentio speak.
"Imagine, if you will, the delicate dance of syllables as they pirouette through the invisible threads of telephonic ether. When I, Dimentio, master of dimensions and wry wit, utter my name through the mystic mouthpiece, the vibrations weave a tapestry so intricate that some might mistakenly hear the name of a timeless enchantress, Merluminia! Yet, curiously, when I stand before them in all my theatrical grandeur, such delightful illusions dissipate, and no soul confuses my presence with that of the legendary star.”
The audience laughs again.
“He speaks so eloquently, and never misses a single laugh.” Luigi marvels to Mario as Dimentio keeps speaking.
“Not just any laughs, Weeg. Big ones.” Mario corrects.
“You’re sure Cranky’s gonna like my stuff?” Luigi asks suddenly.
“Of course I am.” Mario says immediately. “Why, you’re not?”
“I am.” Luigi defends unconvincingly.
“You don’t sound sure.” Mario accuses. “I nearly broke my back to make this happen, Lu. Don’t you go getting cold f*cking feet on me now.”
“I don’t have any…cold f*cking feet.” Luigi says quietly.
“You better not.” Mario says, before they both turn back to Dimentio.
"Ah, the culinary arts, a realm where my passions truly shine! I indulge in the pleasures of feasting so much!” Dimentio gushes.
Here, the whole audience calls out, “How much do you indulge?”
Dimentio replies smoothly, “I indulge so heartily that I once exuded the grace of a grand banquet hall, and now I resemble a fully stacked deli counter!”
After the next round of laughs, Luigi whispers to Mario, “His voice is like butter. He put me to sleep whenever he was on the radio.”
“Same for me.” Mario admits.
“Ma and Dad like him too.” Luigi says. “Well, Dad pretended like he didn’t, but I caught him.”
“So many of us leaned on him to help us sleep during the Depression.” Mario recalls.
“We’re the same age, Mar. That was before Dad threw you out.” Luigi reminds him. “I never saw you listening to him.”
“Key word ‘saw me’.” Mario says with a grin.
“Ah, the sandy shores, once a place of tranquility for me, now transformed into a scene of scholarly intrigue!” Dimentio coos next. “The last time I ventured to the coast, a group of marine biology students mistook my grand presence for a sirenian marvel. They circled around me, tools in hand, prodding gently, and whispered among themselves, ‘Surely, we must uncover this majestic creature's tailfins!’”
He waits for the laughs to die down, then asks, “Ah, should I delve into the tales of my lovers?” the audience cheers and claps in response, so he says, “Well, if you insist. My first lover and I, we were like chalk and cheese, never quite seeing eye to eye. Them, fluent in the rough-and-tumble banter of the streets, a dialect steeped in the raw, unpolished charm of urban life. Meanwhile, I was the epitome of refinement, a gentleman who spoke with an aristocratic air that seemed to echo through the corridors of time.”
Here, he turns his nose up, then huffs.
The audience eats it up, so Dimentio smiles, then bows.
“There you are. What’s your name?” Dimentio asks a fan as he signs an autograph.
Meanwhile, Luigi stands with Mario on the edge of the stage, watching it all.
Mario takes charge, calling, “Cranky!” and waving him over.
“Mario.” Cranky greets back as he joins them. “I see you clean up nice. You almost had me fooled.”
“Okay, Cranky, I know it’s getting dark and you got a banana facial you’re late for, so let me introduce you to my brother.” Mario starts, gesturing to Luigi, “Cranky, meet--”
“Jude Lemmings.” Luigi says before Mario can, holding out a hand.
Cranky grabs it. “Nice to meet you. Enjoy yourself?”
“Absolutely.” Luigi nods. “He’s eloquent, and hilarious. Never gets old.”
“He’s la crème de la crème.” Cranky agrees. “Would you like to meet him? Dimentio!”
“Yes?” Dimentio turns around, then seeing Cranky gesturing, tells the fans. “One moment. I assure you, you will not walk out here without my likeness or an autograph!”
“Dimentio.” Cranky says once Dimentio has floated over to them. “I want you to meet Mario and Jude Lemmings. Jude has the chance to open for you in one of your secret shows.”
“Hi.” Luigi smiles nervously, holding out a hand.
“Now now, none of that.” Dimentio says sternly, and right when Luigi’s face falls, Dimentio comes closer, grabs his face and kisses his cheeks, after the other. “So you want to be my new prologue?”
“That’s the hope.” Luigi says.
“Well, my prologue can’t have just any words in it.” Dimentio asks. “I assume you’ve been properly warned?”
“I have.” Luigi assures, nodding. “I think my words are up to snuff.”
“Exactly what I was hoping to hear.” Dimentio purrs. “Could I trouble you terribly to stop by my home later in the week? If we’re going to work together, we should have a proper introduction.”
“Name the time and place.” Luigi says.
“Cranky, you know what to do.” Dimentio says, then bows. “Well, my audience awaits!”
Then he floats back over to the line to resume signing autographs.
“Mario, wait for my call.” Cranky says, then walks away.
“Thank you!” Mario calls with a smile.
The brothers look at each other, a giddy smile on their faces as they make their way off the stage.
